Four months… incredible. It’s been four months now since I packed up my little house on the Nicola River into either the 8’x12′ storage unit or into my new 30 foot home on wheels, affectionately known as the Palomino Palace and took off in surrender to the unknown. In four months, so many adventures, choices, shifts and adjustments to my way of life. I had had best of intentions (honestly must be a movie by that name…:) of writing every week as I knew this was going to be something to digest more fully and having a written memories something that would have been handy. But then again I ought to have started it after the Wake-up Call in September…man, almost a year ago!!! So I sit here this blah Saturday afternoon and let myself off the hook for not, and simply begin where I am as after all, that’s all we can do, isn’t it?
I started in my ‘safe place’ at ‘Camp Canamex’, helping dear friends say goodbye to a long time passion for thoroughbreds and pack up and downsize, and saying goodbye to my beloved Indy as he left me with Grace and Soul wrenching, teaching yet even more about Letting Go.
￼￼ Then on to the a short house sit for Bill and Sheilagh where Faith, wonder truck, got her upgrade to haul the great PP safely for us,on to the mosquitoey Lundbom Lake, and Seven Half Diamond Ranch where I spent a couple weeks exhaling and enjoying some deep beautiful solitude. Played with plein air painting, generators and pre-trips til I migrated north to Barnhartvale and a magical spot in new territory awaited. It’s proven to be my Landing spot, safe haven and I’m so grateful to Mijane and Cam for allowing me to be here. Re-inspiring horsemanship, early morning rock picking philosophical inquires, becoming intoduced to plein air painting with the generous and immensely gifted John Schurrenberger to sun shadowed rides in forest that smell of 30 years ago.
Pack up, call my Palace chauffeur”s and head back to Seven Half Diamond for my teaching my first big….GULP…art class ( actually, a whole lot more about sneakily supporting ‘Fraidy Cat Wanna Be so Much Artists into actually creating something….shhhhh) and the Cowgirl Reunion! What a whirlwind and as tiring as it all was, also incredibly fulfilling, inspiring and uplifting. Lighting other candles, unfurling wings and gently pushing folks out of their safe nest and watching them soar…What a privilege and awe invoking to see the beauty within become the beauty without.
…And then! The day for my much awaited (eight years, to be exact) Pretrip and road test for the overly complicated and slippery to get a handle on concept of the Heavy Trailer endorsement. Between not having an appropriate truck, to then no big trailer to finally having both and the big four month wait after the phone call to book with ICBC….I passed! This is an endorsement that anyone towing a trailer over 10,000. lbs. MUST have and although I wish they’d sort out proper criteria for it…I really do understand and agree with the concept. I’m 15,600Lbs loaded with two horses and that, my friends does NOT stop on a dime, and we corner a bit like a stegosaurus might be inclined.So…now I’m legal to go any old where with my home and am starting to look at what winter might look like…I’d deeply love to spend it in Arizona, painting and creating and being inspired by all that gorgeous country, other artists and time to do so…what an incredible dream come true that would be! If not this year, I am sourcing out a place to call home over the winter, for as much as I adore my Palomino Palace and Turtle home…its simply not sensible in the winter for us.
As Summer turns itself into Fall and the smoke gives way to clear blue skies ironicly and I reflect back on the time I’ve spent letting go and becoming a new version of me and as the anniversary of the event that kicked me in the ass to do so looms close, I am filled with gratitude for ALL the amazing helping hands that cared for me, encouraged me, stood by me and cheered me. For all those folks who have offered space for my crew and me to land in safety and allowed me to explore my ragged edges with a tentative finger. I know I am on the cusp of unfolding into a purer esscence of mysef, snake shedding the too small a version and yet I am filled with sadness for parts of my life that lie in rubble behind me. The loss of connection with my dearest and older brother, the loss of connection with my long time best friend, the loss of a few separate friendships and connections that have been severed as I both become more authentic and also try out establishing self protection, boundaries and no more self betrayal. it all feels a teeny weeny bit disturbing. I mourn the loss of my identity as well; the tough farrier, my physical strength and flexibility, my career I strove so carefully and diligently to develop, all my clients who became friends, my sureness in my skills. Ahhh, but that all becomes a rich growing ground for new experiences, fuel for passion to grow and expand, and that wondrous blessed, exhilarating, nail biting place called the Unknown. A friend wisely said to me a few months back ” A Good life if often the biggest hindrance to a Great life”. That gave me pause, and I believe it to to true for me…it’s good to be here!